More Questions Than Answers
I have a section of this blog that I call more questions than answers. I used to use this as a space to explore the questions I had that felt large and unanswerable - about the faith I lost, and exploring what I believed in - what I wanted to believe in. I still write those posts - but when I started that section of the blog, I was desperate for answers in those areas, and having more questions than answers felt frustrating.
Questions have always frustrated me. As an endlessly curious child (who grew into a curious, yet somewhat impatient adult) I wanted all the answers. I wanted to know all the things - about humanity, about the world, about this life and beyond, and my questions felt like the only thing that stood between me and knowing all the things. They represented the things I didn’t know, and I almost just wanted to tick them off my list as I answered them one by one.
But I realised pretty quickly that answers just seemed to bring more questions. Now I have questions about the answers I was given, or that I found - and questions about how one set of answers related to another. And the more questions I had, the more frustrated I became. Just tell me the answers already - so that I can just move on with life!!!
At some time over the past few years, my relationship with questions changed. I cannot pinpoint the exact moment but a few things happened during that time. I read the book “A More Beautiful Question” about the power of inquiry and I loved it so much that I am currently contemplating reading it again. My nephew was born, and his myriad of questions astounded and delighted me - I have written about some of them here on the blog. And even though these days his questions have changed, I still try to engage his curiosity during our conversations, or our chess games. He has also been joined by a brother, and cousins, and I cannot wait to hear their questions!
But also - I dug into my writing practice once I started this blog - and something about observing the world with my new “writer” hat on made me think differently about questions as the years have gone by. Questions are now a part of my own creative practice, and coming up with questions feels fun! I feel like that curious child again - except now I can decide what I want for breakfast. In fact, some questions can feel playful and delightful - even though I still have those that frustrate me (WHY DO WE HAVE TO USE THIS SPREADSHEET!!!)
The questions that I have had over the years have been big and small. In fact, I write a weekly email to my friends - and sometimes I list to them some of the questions on my mind! Here are some of the questions on my mind today!
Why did I wake up anxious this morning?
Should I buy that banana carrier that I have seen advertised over the years?
What should I take for lunch?
Can I finish my on-call at 10pm going forward?
What makes my eyes water in the morning?
Can I adapt one of my round cake pans into a “McGyvered” bundt pan?
Why is my table always messy?
What if to create is human?
One of these questions was the inspiration for a blog post I am writing. One is something to explore through a company I work for. One is something I’ll probably spend some time googling this evening. And one has encouraged me to tap into breathing techniques. Each question will serve me in different ways - some just to give voice and language to something I am experiencing, some to actually solve, some to explore, and some will spring their own set of questions.
These used to bother me but nowadays, I kind of love it. I kind of love how questions keep me curious, and open to new ideas, and new ways of doing things. I realise that for a long time one of the reasons I like answers is that they made me feel like I could pack things away in a neat box, and there were so many things I wanted a neat solution to. But as I got older and life feels more complicated, I realised that so few things had the neat solutions that I was looking for, and I wanted a way to contemplate the world around me that felt expansive rather than frustrating - and questions have definitely been the way.
I love questions so much that I am going to be working on a blog series around some of the questions I have been asking. I may even call it more questions than answers! And I can’t wait to bring some of those questions to you.
What questions have been on your mind? Drop them below!
And I send you big love from by the sea.